I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
