So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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