Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
