So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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