Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
