So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
