I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this just has baby written all over it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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