Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
