Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
