If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
