EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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