I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
