Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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