Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
