after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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