I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
