Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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