Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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