there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
