She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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