that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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