you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
