Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
