If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
