just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
babies were throwing up all over the place
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
