it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
