I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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