I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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