somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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