We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
