lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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