i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
