what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
