I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
