my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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