I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
