Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
