Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
