He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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