I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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