I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
