Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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