My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just google imaged poop.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
