Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
