Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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