Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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