3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This house was built for laser tag.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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