This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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