Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
