"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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