And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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