Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
