hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
