Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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