My nipple is on Facebook.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
