Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
