I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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