All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
