I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the day after is always just damage control
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
