She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
