Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Drunk is not a location!
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