i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
