There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you win again, gameday.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
