True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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