Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
